So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
