i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
