So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
