Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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