i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
