So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
