Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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