Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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