The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
