i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
