And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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