She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
