we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
