I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
