i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I forget how to act sober
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
