Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
