Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
