No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
