every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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