return my video game
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
