Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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