I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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