It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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