New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
