it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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