I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
