Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
