I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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