I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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