I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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