The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
