around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
