i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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