3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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