I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
