i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
