I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm at about main and main street
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
