i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
