i permit you to call me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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