I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
