so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
