Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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