I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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