Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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