I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
