So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
