I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
