You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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