pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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