So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
