Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
