You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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