You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
