So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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