can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
