I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
