who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
